Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Moral Dilemmas

Out of the six San Francisco agencies I submitted to last month, I heard back in the way of phone calls from two and letters from three (phone calls are good, letters are bad). By the time I had been to my second audition, I still hadn't heard back from the one that was lingering in limbo. I pretty much bombed my first audition. I was nervous. Really nervous. Unfortunately, I let that get in the way of my acting. I was in my head. I was watching her, I was watching me, I was watching her watching me. It was bad. I knew it. She said, "no" but she also said her door was still open later on down the road. If I had just gone in and done what I needed to do the first time, I would've been fine, but I didn't.

Audition #2 was the exact opposite of Audition #1. I was calm, I knew what I needed to do, and I felt prepared. My monologue was already permanently engrained in my head and I knew my lines would come. Actor's faith. I got down to the emotion and I was initially nervous when I stood up to give my monologue, but overall I felt comfortable. Obviously she saw something in me that she liked, so she offered me representation. Like I said earlier, I asked her to give me a day to think about it. I spoke with my acting coach and she told me to follow up with the last agency. I didn't. I honestly thought I would receive a letter from them. So on Friday, I called the woman who offered to represent me and accepted her offer. I felt good about it. Then I got another phone call which left me at a crossroads.
Photo Found: here
Yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from the last agency I was waiting to hear back from. They want to meet with me next week. Now what? I already gave a verbal "yes" to one woman, but now someone else wants to see me, too. Do I reschedule my signing date (which is scheduled for tomorrow), go to the other audition and hope they want me too? What if she asks why I'm rescheduling? I don't want to lie to her. Then what happens if the other agency doesn't want me? I'll be going back to the woman who offered me representation like a dog with my tail between my legs. Then how will she trust me? She'll think I'm a flake and I don't want to be perceived like that. Someone told me the other agency who wants to meet with me is a better agency. How is that even determined though? By the projects they have booked? By the clients they have? How do I know they'll be better for me? Do they have my best interests in mind? Will they treat me the way I want to be treated? Will they be there for me? Will I be a little fish in a big pond? Will I get booked for jobs? Or will I just fall by the wayside? I was told to make a good excuse. Say that I have an appointment at the doctor's office or whatever. I can't do that. At the end of the day, I am the one who has to live with what I do. All I have is my word. I gave my word to someone else and I'm not going back on it.

As much as I am kicking myself for not following up with the last agency, I have to remember why I liked the woman I met with initially and why I told her "yes." I felt comfortable with her. I felt a connection with her. I felt like her agency would be a good fit for me. I was obviously feeling extremely conflicted yesterday and I needed to get back to the heart of the matter. In a business where integrity is often nonexistent, I am determined to keep my own. So I called the last agency, thanked them for their time and their consideration, and informed them that I had already accepted an offer from another agency. I feel good.

xoxox
kk

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